This Message Is Void!

I recently had occasion to write to my former high school and request an official transcript. I subsequently received an envelope from the school registrar. The envelope was not merely licked closed; it also bore a stamp, and over the stamp was a layer of cellotape.

Logically, this can only mean: "Whoever opens this envelope invalidates the contents." Do the registrars of other schools and universities, who receive similar things by the dozens every day, think about this? As soon as they open the envelopes, the transcripts are void. Being a sensible person, I opened the envelope. First, because I wanted to verify that it was the right transcript. After all, mistakes happen and I wanted to be sure they hadn't gotten someone else's transcript in the envelope. Second, because I was, after all, the addressee on the envelope, and third because I had paid for that transcript. I was entitled to it. Besides, I figured I could just throw the envelope away and no one would ever know. Inside was, as expected, my transcript. But there was also another stamp (another token of the same type):

Logically, this can only mean: "Since you are reading this, you must have broken the seal on the envelope, thereby voiding the contents. Since the contents are void, the stamp which reads Official transcript in sealed envelope void if seal broken is now also void." Thereby restoring the original integrity of the document. Q.E.D. Now, of course, I appreciate that registrars are concerned to prevent people from forging transcripts. But anyone clever and determined enough to forge a transcript is also clever enough to go the local stationery shop and order a rubber stamp and an embossed seal. Do recipient registrars ever really read those embossed seals? I doubt it. You could probably press a Kennedy half-dollar into the back of the forgery and nobody'd ever know. Makes you wonder how well-educated educators are, if they think we're that dumb. I mean, if I were inclined to forge a high school transcript, I'd forge a Ph.D. from Stanford or Oxford instead. For the all the good it does, the stamp might as well read This stamp is a waste of taxpayers' money. At least then it would assert a true proposition. I do not blame the high school registrar personally for this stupidity; she is merely following procedure. But some idiot invented the procedure, and the waste is likely duplicated in every school across the country. I might add that I did not study logic until I got to university. The university would not have admitted me without a valid high school transcript, or, at any rate, one which they took to be valid. Therefore some university registrar must have voided a similar transcript from my former high school in order to have matriculated me. For Your Eyes Only! My father told me that he once worked on a secret project for the government. He filed a report which was later given a higher security classification than he himself had. That is, although he had written it, he was not allowed to read it. And finally, have you ever received an email with a message at the bottom which reads something like: this email is intended only for the person for whom it is intended; if you are not that person, do not read this....? Duh